Tag Archives: Life

The Follies of Reality

THE FOLLIES OF REALITY

I’m trapped inside a maze

Closed doors with no exit

My vision is blurry

But no knobs to adjust it

Memory fading

I can’t remember how I got here

Been here for 27 years

But it’s still life I fear

Knocked down by deception

Chained to my depression

Life’s a two way street

I managed to take the wrong direction

Trampling over things not seen

They’ve become images

Darkness falls and dreams dissolve

I wake to discover

A nightmare of reality

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://imgarcade.com/1/breaking-rope/

Profit of the Powerless

This just can’t be life; if so
consider taking a rain check;
life has a way of omitting
what you traditionally expect.

Compensating you with leftovers,
recycled dreams and aged bullshit;
chasing you in circles, urging
to tame you like circus chimps.

Never be influenced
by life’s failing attempts,
to trap you in a frenzy
you should take another glimpse.

Collect yourself as time ticks
sit back, stop watching this pain;
before life flips out, gouging eyes out
legally blinding you once again.

Results of handicapped views, you
dangle from the bridge of sanity,
with a theoretical halo draining
it’s now lifeless batteries…

The day’s a waste while the
world awaits, patiently pacing
Around an hour-glass
depleting all hope remaining.

With clenched fists, blackened hearts,
mind’s spinning like ceiling fans,
muscle tension, faded thoughts,
I’m afraid you’ve been outran.

Tug of war with these demons,
back and forth like subways,
low blows and mood swings
dirty dancing this fatal ballet.

With no way to escape,
assuming your death to be fate;
an end to all struggling and
nonsensical justice you take.

Gasping for air, faint whispers,
staring life in the face;
everything moves in slow motion
muted speed and lack of haste.

In submission you collapse,
to the clouds you praise.
With the soil you become,
refusing to die another day.

But today…

– Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://www.dailyartfixx.com/2011/02/12/xiau-fong-wee-painting/

Short-Lived Forever

Elated by you was the beat of my heart to an undefined tune,
timeless motions of a love dating back to summer’s June.

Everything was so timeless then, as if the Earth stood still,
air was much pure and perceptions of life were surreal.

You were everything to me, we spent our “everydays” together,
careful to not miss a thing or defer our “short-lived forever”.

Our hearts were delicate and clear as a mid summer’s rain,
unfamiliar with love’s true identity, but from it we couldn’t sway.

Just the two of us, running rampant through this life-size race,
taking chances without doubt like there was no future in place.

And on all levels our hopes, our dreams, our love we’d magnify,
carefree with this appetite for life that we hoped we’d never satisfy.

– Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://models.com/feed/?p=43116

Suicidal Remedy

Suicidal Remedy
“Hi…My Name is Tioko and I’m an Alcoholic.”

Lost in the world without my moral compass,
eyes closed, heart open, inhaling this liquid sin.
This thing has a hold on me like a fungus,
ejecting deep breaths of warm toxic oxygen.

I’ve had enough but never have I been a quitter,
unstable I drop this flask of homegrown logic.
Engulfed in this fountain of Brandy as I quiver,
blurred visions, seeing double, feeling myopic.

Slurred words and broken English outpour,
reverting to childish ways, I cry out for more.
Snatching a glass from the shelve as I roar,
I scream about nothing, worse than I’ve been before.

Misguided cries echo in deserted space,
this awakened pain is inescapable as nicotine.
Everybody hurts though at a variant pace,
chances of survival for me are quarantined.

I’m unruly like a psycho that’s prone to kill,
a least that’s how I’m feeling right now.
Mumbling to self about this drunken thrill,
it gained all control and from me removed clout.

I can’t move a muscle but I manage to keep pouring,
quaffing heavily to cease this perpetual thirst.
Forgetting kamikaze was conferred this morning,
finessing this twinge as I’m completely submerged.

I mix foreign pills with this poison and float away,
I’m a harm to myself, latching on to this obsession.
Initiated mistakes leaves my motives vague,
played to it’s advantage, I’m owned without question.

Play fights and tea parties with this concoction,
an alternative therapy to neglect eternal depart.
Like a protective mother I’m bound to this adoption,
only when we’re together does my pain discard.

This is my Suicidal Remedy…

  • Ms. Tioko

Concluding Statement: Reminiscing on past seasons of desolation and overpowering obstacles, I’ve often inquired about my purpose in life. I befriended alcohol as the solution to my internal pain which altered my perception of reality. Drinking excessively was my social lubricant, masking something much bigger within me. Alcohol is still a weakness for me. My story is the same for so many others compromising their pain with alcoholism.

PLEASE leave comments regarding your struggles, road to recovery or how you’ve overcame  addiction. You may save someone’s life. There’s someone out there who relates to you. We are not alone.

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://www.ksbw.com/health/does-drinking-reduce-my-stress/22097322
SUICIDE HELPLINE:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention-helping-someone-who-is-suicidal.htm
AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION
https://www.afsp.org/understanding-suicide
NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ALCOHOL ABUSE AND ALCOHOLISM
http://www.niaaa.nih.gov

Reflections of Ruin

Internal affliction on an ultimate high,
he pins himself under his own prison.
Surrounded by this intangible dome,
it was never intended for me to enter.
Thickened skull of confusion and anguish,
progresses the fire burning within he.
His extreme acts hurt himself and those he love;
mine amour once rid him of such injury.
Free loading memories wear out welcomes,
undermined thoughts take flight in thick fog.
With even bifocals, he’s blind and I’m invisible;
too impaired to see that I bestow of him my all.
Smothering the one light that brightens his skies,
he’s immune to this self-imposed darkness.
Convinced that loneliness is the only place to call home,
I guess he won’t be appeased until he’s a carcass.
Reflections of Ruin
– Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://sythest.deviantart.com/art/Self-Destruction-215215723

Absent-Mind

Absent-Mind

Adverse consciousness weighing opposite a feather
Expressing my life through sealed unread letters

An intellect so impractical its borderline genius
Yet pessimists claim it’s quick to make them squeamish

My live confessional, I would often chat with the mirror
With a drink in both hands, if only things appeared clearer

Hallucinations has me out of my mind and in too deep
Nothing makes sense anymore like my cerebrum’s offbeat

Wrestling with daydreams, nowadays I rarely get sleep
Pushing against balance like I’m tripping over both feet

Rebellion wars, a fight to death if they played fair with reason
Stolen thoughts and moral sense, oh to get away with treason

What to do when you’re alone in this jungle of oblivion
I’m as low as I’ve ever been, the farthest from meridian

With my discolored morale and blurred line vision
I’m again drowning in this sea of demoted intuition

– Ms. Tioko

Before Sunset Movie Review and Quote

Before Sunset is the sequel of a trilogy and one of my favorite romantic films. It’s clever, eloquent and extremely charming. After a decade, an American author and French woman are coincidentally reconnected. They catch up on old times and converse about love, heartbreak, marriage and contradictions. It’s a must see.

Céline: I mean, I always feel like a freak because I’m never able to move on like (snaps her fingers) this! You know? People just have an affair or even…entire relationships…they break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals! I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with. Because each person have…their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost.

Each relationship when it ends really damages me; I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved because…it hurts too much!. I guess when you’re young…you just believe there’ll be many people with whom you’ll connect with. Later in life you realize it only happens a few times.

You know, couples are so confused, uh lately. I think it must be that…men need to feel essential, and they don’t anymore. Because it’s been imprinted in their heads for so many years that they had to be the provider…like I, I’m a strong independent woman in my professional life. I don’t need a man to feed me but I still need a man to love me and that I could love, you know.

Jesse: Is that why you’re in a relationship with somebody who’s never around?

Céline: Yes, obviously, I can’t deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves, and I miss him, but at least I’m not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I’m like suffocating!

Jesse: No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved…

Céline: Yeah, but when I do it quickly makes me nauseous! It’s a disaster… I mean I’m really happy only when I’m on my own. Even being alone…it’s better than…sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It’s not so easy for me to be all romantic. You start off that way and after you’ve been screwed over a few times…you…you…you forget about all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life. That’s not even true I haven’t been…screwed over, I’ve just had too many blah relationships. They weren’t mean, they cared for me, but… there were no real…connection or excitement. At least not from my side.

Jesse: God, I’m sorry, is it…is it really that bad? It’s not, right?

Céline: You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It’s funny…every single of my ex’s…they’re now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married!

You know, I want to KILL them!! Why didn’t they ask ME to marry them? I would have said “No”, but at least they could have asked!! But it’s my fault, I know it’s my fault, because…I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd; the idea that we can only be complete with another person is…EVIL!! RIGHT??!!

You know, I guess I’ve been heartbroken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts I make no effort…because I know it’s not going to work out, I know it’s not going to work out.

I’m so miserable in my love life, in my relationship, I always act as… like…you know, I’m detached, but I’m… I’m dying inside. I’m dying because I’m so numb. I don’t feel pain, or excitement. I’m not even bitter, I’m just…uh…

 

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://criticsroundup.com/film/before-sunset/
MOVIE WEBSITE:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0381681/