Tag Archives: Fear

The Follies of Reality

THE FOLLIES OF REALITY

I’m trapped inside a maze

Closed doors with no exit

My vision is blurry

But no knobs to adjust it

Memory fading

I can’t remember how I got here

Been here for 27 years

But it’s still life I fear

Knocked down by deception

Chained to my depression

Life’s a two way street

I managed to take the wrong direction

Trampling over things not seen

They’ve become images

Darkness falls and dreams dissolve

I wake to discover

A nightmare of reality

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://imgarcade.com/1/breaking-rope/

Reflections of Ruin

Internal affliction on an ultimate high,
he pins himself under his own prison.
Surrounded by this intangible dome,
it was never intended for me to enter.
Thickened skull of confusion and anguish,
progresses the fire burning within he.
His extreme acts hurt himself and those he love;
mine amour once rid him of such injury.
Free loading memories wear out welcomes,
undermined thoughts take flight in thick fog.
With even bifocals, he’s blind and I’m invisible;
too impaired to see that I bestow of him my all.
Smothering the one light that brightens his skies,
he’s immune to this self-imposed darkness.
Convinced that loneliness is the only place to call home,
I guess he won’t be appeased until he’s a carcass.
Reflections of Ruin
– Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://sythest.deviantart.com/art/Self-Destruction-215215723

Before Sunset Movie Review and Quote

Before Sunset is the sequel of a trilogy and one of my favorite romantic films. It’s clever, eloquent and extremely charming. After a decade, an American author and French woman are coincidentally reconnected. They catch up on old times and converse about love, heartbreak, marriage and contradictions. It’s a must see.

Céline: I mean, I always feel like a freak because I’m never able to move on like (snaps her fingers) this! You know? People just have an affair or even…entire relationships…they break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals! I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with. Because each person have…their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost.

Each relationship when it ends really damages me; I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved because…it hurts too much!. I guess when you’re young…you just believe there’ll be many people with whom you’ll connect with. Later in life you realize it only happens a few times.

You know, couples are so confused, uh lately. I think it must be that…men need to feel essential, and they don’t anymore. Because it’s been imprinted in their heads for so many years that they had to be the provider…like I, I’m a strong independent woman in my professional life. I don’t need a man to feed me but I still need a man to love me and that I could love, you know.

Jesse: Is that why you’re in a relationship with somebody who’s never around?

Céline: Yes, obviously, I can’t deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves, and I miss him, but at least I’m not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I’m like suffocating!

Jesse: No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved…

Céline: Yeah, but when I do it quickly makes me nauseous! It’s a disaster… I mean I’m really happy only when I’m on my own. Even being alone…it’s better than…sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It’s not so easy for me to be all romantic. You start off that way and after you’ve been screwed over a few times…you…you…you forget about all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life. That’s not even true I haven’t been…screwed over, I’ve just had too many blah relationships. They weren’t mean, they cared for me, but… there were no real…connection or excitement. At least not from my side.

Jesse: God, I’m sorry, is it…is it really that bad? It’s not, right?

Céline: You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It’s funny…every single of my ex’s…they’re now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married!

You know, I want to KILL them!! Why didn’t they ask ME to marry them? I would have said “No”, but at least they could have asked!! But it’s my fault, I know it’s my fault, because…I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd; the idea that we can only be complete with another person is…EVIL!! RIGHT??!!

You know, I guess I’ve been heartbroken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts I make no effort…because I know it’s not going to work out, I know it’s not going to work out.

I’m so miserable in my love life, in my relationship, I always act as… like…you know, I’m detached, but I’m… I’m dying inside. I’m dying because I’m so numb. I don’t feel pain, or excitement. I’m not even bitter, I’m just…uh…

 

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://criticsroundup.com/film/before-sunset/
MOVIE WEBSITE:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0381681/

Carpe Diem

Whomever said “live everyday as if it were your last” definitely has a death wish. If I lived everyday as if it were my last or aligned my lifestyle with this “YOLO” cliché, I wouldn’t get anything done…and I’m pretty certain I’d have aids…

Don’t judge me for my honesty. I speak the things you’re afraid to expose.

Man Child

Son of man with a
misconception of himself;
vulnerable to the
absurdities of life itself.

He’s a hustler by nature,
that’s how he views himself;
throughout the day he’s an actor,
by night he’s bottom shelved.

Beautiful beating heart,
to me remains evident;
known to sell his soul for
foolishness; dead presidents.

No one listens, so the
wind hears his silent screams;
potential for greatness if he
paints his darkened dreams.

With his customized teeth and
desire to be free and unfurled;
wrestling with insecurities, lost
in the depths of a secular world.

Exchanging happiness and
couth with material assets;
always running from the truth,
he’s got no more lies left.

Trapped within a glass cube,
with no intent to see through;
there’s no denying, if asked,
he would imply it’s all true.

Wandering down this path of
Loneliness Road;
incapable of u-turning 
he continues forward.

Fear of reflection in this
mirror, broken entirely;
wounded pride and scarred hands
are healed with foolish qualities.

Like chameleons adjusting
to uniformed habitats;
afraid of exposure and change,
the lost boy drifts back.

Girdled by toxins unseen
to the trained human eye;
if he keeps this pace who knows
what’ll become of this life?

Man Child

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9hg7S97kXU

Cognitive Bias

She hates that it’s suitable for men
to sex whomever they choose;
saluted, yet not often judged,
they always seem to get excused.

When women adore sex
they claim she’s being too loose;
but there’s this fear of commitment
because her heart’s been abused.

This monster labeled love has
resulted in scorn, hurt and envy;
with no formula for damaged hearts,
so often, the sex would heal injury.

Why does it matter is she’s more
sexual than others appear to be
committed to sex without this love thing,
doesn’t define her wholeheartedly.

It’s just something of a man,
his tone, his scent, his masculinity;
the way he growls during sex
but holds her closely as she sleeps.

Is it of a whore to find an
assortment of men attractive;
or to wonder what they
would  all individually have to offer?

We’re only being human to desire
that which is confidential, but…
how does acting on such thoughts
imply she’s too experimental?

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://www.the-broad-side.com/the-sexuality-wars-women-are-under-attack-but-what-about-men

Manic Fornication

Thoughts run together like they’re gang related
Robbing me of emotions leaving me sedated

Stunned like dummy in slump, effects are dictated
Needles to wrists, arouse body fluids, I made it

Anatomic orgasms numbs me til I’m jaded
It’s a self-inflicted high, call it masturbated

Pleasure within bloodline, no incest, just vain sex
Thrusting toxins inside until I shake and lay to rest

Dumbfounded with heart pulsating through chest
High dose tonics paralyze my distress

Lost dialogue sounds from smothered deep breaths
Drained of energy and soul, eyes roll right to left

Unimaginable bliss to reach superb destinations
These are the results of obscure manic fornication

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://sciencelens.co.nz/2012/11/16/albert-hofmann-psychedelic/