Tag Archives: Depression

The Follies of Reality

THE FOLLIES OF REALITY

I’m trapped inside a maze

Closed doors with no exit

My vision is blurry

But no knobs to adjust it

Memory fading

I can’t remember how I got here

Been here for 27 years

But it’s still life I fear

Knocked down by deception

Chained to my depression

Life’s a two way street

I managed to take the wrong direction

Trampling over things not seen

They’ve become images

Darkness falls and dreams dissolve

I wake to discover

A nightmare of reality

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://imgarcade.com/1/breaking-rope/

Sinister

Night terrors visit me
in my nocturnal state.

My world’s at rock bottom
so I’m snoozing in the day…

Straggling dusk til dawn,
my consciousness veers away.

Street lights that ever glow,
are certainly dimmer today.

Losing track of all mistakes
in the past that I’ve made;

My future reads error,
mental states are dazed.

  • Ms Tioko

Suicidal Remedy

Suicidal Remedy
“Hi…My Name is Tioko and I’m an Alcoholic.”

Lost in the world without my moral compass,
eyes closed, heart open, inhaling this liquid sin.
This thing has a hold on me like a fungus,
ejecting deep breaths of warm toxic oxygen.

I’ve had enough but never have I been a quitter,
unstable I drop this flask of homegrown logic.
Engulfed in this fountain of Brandy as I quiver,
blurred visions, seeing double, feeling myopic.

Slurred words and broken English outpour,
reverting to childish ways, I cry out for more.
Snatching a glass from the shelve as I roar,
I scream about nothing, worse than I’ve been before.

Misguided cries echo in deserted space,
this awakened pain is inescapable as nicotine.
Everybody hurts though at a variant pace,
chances of survival for me are quarantined.

I’m unruly like a psycho that’s prone to kill,
a least that’s how I’m feeling right now.
Mumbling to self about this drunken thrill,
it gained all control and from me removed clout.

I can’t move a muscle but I manage to keep pouring,
quaffing heavily to cease this perpetual thirst.
Forgetting kamikaze was conferred this morning,
finessing this twinge as I’m completely submerged.

I mix foreign pills with this poison and float away,
I’m a harm to myself, latching on to this obsession.
Initiated mistakes leaves my motives vague,
played to it’s advantage, I’m owned without question.

Play fights and tea parties with this concoction,
an alternative therapy to neglect eternal depart.
Like a protective mother I’m bound to this adoption,
only when we’re together does my pain discard.

This is my Suicidal Remedy…

  • Ms. Tioko

Concluding Statement: Reminiscing on past seasons of desolation and overpowering obstacles, I’ve often inquired about my purpose in life. I befriended alcohol as the solution to my internal pain which altered my perception of reality. Drinking excessively was my social lubricant, masking something much bigger within me. Alcohol is still a weakness for me. My story is the same for so many others compromising their pain with alcoholism.

PLEASE leave comments regarding your struggles, road to recovery or how you’ve overcame  addiction. You may save someone’s life. There’s someone out there who relates to you. We are not alone.

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://www.ksbw.com/health/does-drinking-reduce-my-stress/22097322
SUICIDE HELPLINE:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention-helping-someone-who-is-suicidal.htm
AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION
https://www.afsp.org/understanding-suicide
NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ALCOHOL ABUSE AND ALCOHOLISM
http://www.niaaa.nih.gov

Land of the Lost

Every day she hides her dreams under a
mattress right beside her dope habit.
Locked away from the world
so no one would know she’s slacken.

Rejecting help or intervention,
she’s in too deep, a basket case.
Shamefully hording this self-hatred,
her mind and heart have been replaced.

There’s only this vacant space, no tone,
an emptiness evoking a fading echo.
Grasping this fixation with all might,
like any addict, she can’t seem to let go.

Appetites perform disappearing acts,
skipping town without a trace or fragment.
With no subsistence in her belly, she’s
bulimic by default, vomiting gastric acid.

Roaming the streets searching for
evident answers; she in a haze, a trance.
I often wonder who she was in the past,
before she acquired this poisonous romance.

Shunned and not deemed as normal,
everyone passes her with no emotion.
With no love or protection she’s disowned,
suffering the withdrawals and hasty moments.

Instability chauffeurs her through life.
speeding and swerving with no license.
Driving in circles and losing direction,
she also lost herself in this crisis.

Maybe she belongs in the Land of the Lost

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://rebloggy.com/post/art-trippy-beautiful-dope-cocaine-drugs-weed-smoke-lsd-drug-acid-space-galaxy-tr/89068116618

Liberation

Do you ever just feel like running away from everything? Sometimes I just want to gather everything that will fit into a duffle bag and just hitting the road; not telling anyone…just leaving. I wouldn’t inform my disinterested family or my dead-end job or my preoccupied friends or even my inattentive boyfriend…I would just leave.

Then I ask myself, would anything change? Will I completely be unchained?

Liberation

Man Child

Son of man with a
misconception of himself;
vulnerable to the
absurdities of life itself.

He’s a hustler by nature,
that’s how he views himself;
throughout the day he’s an actor,
by night he’s bottom shelved.

Beautiful beating heart,
to me remains evident;
known to sell his soul for
foolishness; dead presidents.

No one listens, so the
wind hears his silent screams;
potential for greatness if he
paints his darkened dreams.

With his customized teeth and
desire to be free and unfurled;
wrestling with insecurities, lost
in the depths of a secular world.

Exchanging happiness and
couth with material assets;
always running from the truth,
he’s got no more lies left.

Trapped within a glass cube,
with no intent to see through;
there’s no denying, if asked,
he would imply it’s all true.

Wandering down this path of
Loneliness Road;
incapable of u-turning 
he continues forward.

Fear of reflection in this
mirror, broken entirely;
wounded pride and scarred hands
are healed with foolish qualities.

Like chameleons adjusting
to uniformed habitats;
afraid of exposure and change,
the lost boy drifts back.

Girdled by toxins unseen
to the trained human eye;
if he keeps this pace who knows
what’ll become of this life?

Man Child

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9hg7S97kXU

Manic Fornication

Thoughts run together like they’re gang related
Robbing me of emotions leaving me sedated

Stunned like dummy in slump, effects are dictated
Needles to wrists, arouse body fluids, I made it

Anatomic orgasms numbs me til I’m jaded
It’s a self-inflicted high, call it masturbated

Pleasure within bloodline, no incest, just vain sex
Thrusting toxins inside until I shake and lay to rest

Dumbfounded with heart pulsating through chest
High dose tonics paralyze my distress

Lost dialogue sounds from smothered deep breaths
Drained of energy and soul, eyes roll right to left

Unimaginable bliss to reach superb destinations
These are the results of obscure manic fornication

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://sciencelens.co.nz/2012/11/16/albert-hofmann-psychedelic/