Sinister

Night terrors visit me
in my nocturnal state.

My world’s at rock bottom
so I’m snoozing in the day…

Straggling dusk til dawn,
my consciousness veers away.

Street lights that ever glow,
are certainly dimmer today.

Losing track of all mistakes
in the past that I’ve made;

My future reads error,
mental states are dazed.

  • Ms Tioko

Love Junkie

I’m so intrigued
when loving this man,
delighted by his touch
as it retains me in constraint.

Like a fiend on drugs,
it stimulates my brain.
Avoid seeking rehab,
I want to stop but I can’t;

conquer this sensation,
even if provided an alternate lane.
Getting high, I’m lifted,
not wanting to dismount again.

I’m on vacation, I’m tripping,
and mind isn’t coherent.
My existence is irrelevant,
totally out of my element.

Dangerously addicted to
your ego, so potent;
I need you to need me,
without you I’m hopeless.

Tossing and turning at night;
I’m barely eating.
Your motives to love me
are what seems to feed me.

Your presence is imperative,
togetherness seems misleading;
afraid of dozing with sobriety,
idle nights govern me.

I’ll never love another,
I hate I idolize you.
Love stoned, I inhale,
breathing every dose of you.

It’s ever so rewarding; I’m given
everything I bargained for,
If my lungs are to collapse,
it’s all for you, the one I adore.

With your sweet caress,
I’m restless, free and so alive.
Rendering figments of you;
hallucinating all the time.

Hooked on you like crazy,
we can never depart.
You inspire my mental and
change the pace of my heart.

You mean the world to me,
promise not to delay.
I gotta have you NOW,
even if it’s in the worst way.

I’m a Love Junkie

– Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://akundanza.org/2014/03/23/the-opposite-of-love-is-power-not-hatred-2/

Short-Lived Forever

Elated by you was the beat of my heart to an undefined tune,
timeless motions of a love dating back to summer’s June.

Everything was so timeless then, as if the Earth stood still,
air was much pure and perceptions of life were surreal.

You were everything to me, we spent our “everydays” together,
careful to not miss a thing or defer our “short-lived forever”.

Our hearts were delicate and clear as a mid summer’s rain,
unfamiliar with love’s true identity, but from it we couldn’t sway.

Just the two of us, running rampant through this life-size race,
taking chances without doubt like there was no future in place.

And on all levels our hopes, our dreams, our love we’d magnify,
carefree with this appetite for life that we hoped we’d never satisfy.

– Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://models.com/feed/?p=43116

Guilty Pleasures

Waking up in
cold sweats,
dreams about past love.

Lying here
deeply mesmerized;

possessed by
reoccurring thoughts,

love making
excluding faults.

Sensual feelings
erupt
from my sex-driven mind.

A chilled spine and moist sheets…

What is this?

Alone here with no companion,
I’m bugging again.

Modeling this
new lingerie with
only
my reflection as an audience.

Fraudulently denying my
need for
sexual pleasure.

Am I less of a woman if I oblige?

My Guilty Pleasures

– Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://impressioniartistiche.blogspot.com/2011/08/drew-darcy.html

Suicidal Remedy

Suicidal Remedy
“Hi…My Name is Tioko and I’m an Alcoholic.”

Lost in the world without my moral compass,
eyes closed, heart open, inhaling this liquid sin.
This thing has a hold on me like a fungus,
ejecting deep breaths of warm toxic oxygen.

I’ve had enough but never have I been a quitter,
unstable I drop this flask of homegrown logic.
Engulfed in this fountain of Brandy as I quiver,
blurred visions, seeing double, feeling myopic.

Slurred words and broken English outpour,
reverting to childish ways, I cry out for more.
Snatching a glass from the shelve as I roar,
I scream about nothing, worse than I’ve been before.

Misguided cries echo in deserted space,
this awakened pain is inescapable as nicotine.
Everybody hurts though at a variant pace,
chances of survival for me are quarantined.

I’m unruly like a psycho that’s prone to kill,
a least that’s how I’m feeling right now.
Mumbling to self about this drunken thrill,
it gained all control and from me removed clout.

I can’t move a muscle but I manage to keep pouring,
quaffing heavily to cease this perpetual thirst.
Forgetting kamikaze was conferred this morning,
finessing this twinge as I’m completely submerged.

I mix foreign pills with this poison and float away,
I’m a harm to myself, latching on to this obsession.
Initiated mistakes leaves my motives vague,
played to it’s advantage, I’m owned without question.

Play fights and tea parties with this concoction,
an alternative therapy to neglect eternal depart.
Like a protective mother I’m bound to this adoption,
only when we’re together does my pain discard.

This is my Suicidal Remedy…

  • Ms. Tioko

Concluding Statement: Reminiscing on past seasons of desolation and overpowering obstacles, I’ve often inquired about my purpose in life. I befriended alcohol as the solution to my internal pain which altered my perception of reality. Drinking excessively was my social lubricant, masking something much bigger within me. Alcohol is still a weakness for me. My story is the same for so many others compromising their pain with alcoholism.

PLEASE leave comments regarding your struggles, road to recovery or how you’ve overcame  addiction. You may save someone’s life. There’s someone out there who relates to you. We are not alone.

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://www.ksbw.com/health/does-drinking-reduce-my-stress/22097322
SUICIDE HELPLINE:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention-helping-someone-who-is-suicidal.htm
AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION
https://www.afsp.org/understanding-suicide
NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ALCOHOL ABUSE AND ALCOHOLISM
http://www.niaaa.nih.gov

Land of the Lost

Every day she hides her dreams under a
mattress right beside her dope habit.
Locked away from the world
so no one would know she’s slacken.

Rejecting help or intervention,
she’s in too deep, a basket case.
Shamefully hording this self-hatred,
her mind and heart have been replaced.

There’s only this vacant space, no tone,
an emptiness evoking a fading echo.
Grasping this fixation with all might,
like any addict, she can’t seem to let go.

Appetites perform disappearing acts,
skipping town without a trace or fragment.
With no subsistence in her belly, she’s
bulimic by default, vomiting gastric acid.

Roaming the streets searching for
evident answers; she in a haze, a trance.
I often wonder who she was in the past,
before she acquired this poisonous romance.

Shunned and not deemed as normal,
everyone passes her with no emotion.
With no love or protection she’s disowned,
suffering the withdrawals and hasty moments.

Instability chauffeurs her through life.
speeding and swerving with no license.
Driving in circles and losing direction,
she also lost herself in this crisis.

Maybe she belongs in the Land of the Lost

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://rebloggy.com/post/art-trippy-beautiful-dope-cocaine-drugs-weed-smoke-lsd-drug-acid-space-galaxy-tr/89068116618

Reflections of Ruin

Internal affliction on an ultimate high,
he pins himself under his own prison.
Surrounded by this intangible dome,
it was never intended for me to enter.
Thickened skull of confusion and anguish,
progresses the fire burning within he.
His extreme acts hurt himself and those he love;
mine amour once rid him of such injury.
Free loading memories wear out welcomes,
undermined thoughts take flight in thick fog.
With even bifocals, he’s blind and I’m invisible;
too impaired to see that I bestow of him my all.
Smothering the one light that brightens his skies,
he’s immune to this self-imposed darkness.
Convinced that loneliness is the only place to call home,
I guess he won’t be appeased until he’s a carcass.
Reflections of Ruin
– Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://sythest.deviantart.com/art/Self-Destruction-215215723

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