Category Archives: Depression

The Follies of Reality

THE FOLLIES OF REALITY

I’m trapped inside a maze

Closed doors with no exit

My vision is blurry

But no knobs to adjust it

Memory fading

I can’t remember how I got here

Been here for 27 years

But it’s still life I fear

Knocked down by deception

Chained to my depression

Life’s a two way street

I managed to take the wrong direction

Trampling over things not seen

They’ve become images

Darkness falls and dreams dissolve

I wake to discover

A nightmare of reality

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://imgarcade.com/1/breaking-rope/

Heartless

The power and rage of this permanent pain,
sporadic avenues of reviving buried yesterdays.
The tall tales of a love I initially claimed,
a tragic romance which led to dismay.

Hurt resembling a thousand knives to ones chest,
a punctured ego, riven thoughts and broken promises.
With my severed heart and capricious requests,
no gain without pain, I’ve grown to be heartless.

Intentions are as prejudice as white supremacists,
I’m wildly sucked into this infinite tunnel.
Worshiping flawed emotions as a love atheist,
things never work out for me, they always crumble.

The passion’s gone, but memories compose tattoos,
maturing into a glutton for critical heartache.
It skips us like stones to a non-rippling lagoon,
what lead me to presume union would display?

What the hell was I thinking, I’m quite the fool,
this hopeless search for a fulfilled happiness.
Too busy dreaming, discounting logical thinking,
like a needle in a haystack, I’ve lost my place.

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://fineartamerica.com/featured/heartless-martin-dawids.html

Unglued

The shit between you

and I can no longer be;

from a distance you

offer me porcelain dreams.

…don’t want you to leave;

losing ventilation,

I can’t breathe.

How do I live with the fact

that you’ve fallin outta

love with me?

You left me open so I

went for the rebound,

thinking pain would ease;

the stats don’t add up

there’s no comparison,

so at night I climb trees.

I go up…

so high, so high, so high,

maybe too high;

leave me up here please!

Consumed of resentment

and anguish to the brain,

a love estranged,

my heart’s dropped

below zero degrees.

I’m Unglued
  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://thelabrats.tumblr.com/post/11668954373/check-out-johnny-robles-new-wall-at-cifo-he

Suicidal Remedy

Suicidal Remedy
“Hi…My Name is Tioko and I’m an Alcoholic.”

Lost in the world without my moral compass,
eyes closed, heart open, inhaling this liquid sin.
This thing has a hold on me like a fungus,
ejecting deep breaths of warm toxic oxygen.

I’ve had enough but never have I been a quitter,
unstable I drop this flask of homegrown logic.
Engulfed in this fountain of Brandy as I quiver,
blurred visions, seeing double, feeling myopic.

Slurred words and broken English outpour,
reverting to childish ways, I cry out for more.
Snatching a glass from the shelve as I roar,
I scream about nothing, worse than I’ve been before.

Misguided cries echo in deserted space,
this awakened pain is inescapable as nicotine.
Everybody hurts though at a variant pace,
chances of survival for me are quarantined.

I’m unruly like a psycho that’s prone to kill,
a least that’s how I’m feeling right now.
Mumbling to self about this drunken thrill,
it gained all control and from me removed clout.

I can’t move a muscle but I manage to keep pouring,
quaffing heavily to cease this perpetual thirst.
Forgetting kamikaze was conferred this morning,
finessing this twinge as I’m completely submerged.

I mix foreign pills with this poison and float away,
I’m a harm to myself, latching on to this obsession.
Initiated mistakes leaves my motives vague,
played to it’s advantage, I’m owned without question.

Play fights and tea parties with this concoction,
an alternative therapy to neglect eternal depart.
Like a protective mother I’m bound to this adoption,
only when we’re together does my pain discard.

This is my Suicidal Remedy…

  • Ms. Tioko

Concluding Statement: Reminiscing on past seasons of desolation and overpowering obstacles, I’ve often inquired about my purpose in life. I befriended alcohol as the solution to my internal pain which altered my perception of reality. Drinking excessively was my social lubricant, masking something much bigger within me. Alcohol is still a weakness for me. My story is the same for so many others compromising their pain with alcoholism.

PLEASE leave comments regarding your struggles, road to recovery or how you’ve overcame  addiction. You may save someone’s life. There’s someone out there who relates to you. We are not alone.

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://www.ksbw.com/health/does-drinking-reduce-my-stress/22097322
SUICIDE HELPLINE:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention-helping-someone-who-is-suicidal.htm
AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION
https://www.afsp.org/understanding-suicide
NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ALCOHOL ABUSE AND ALCOHOLISM
http://www.niaaa.nih.gov

Land of the Lost

Every day she hides her dreams under a
mattress right beside her dope habit.
Locked away from the world
so no one would know she’s slacken.

Rejecting help or intervention,
she’s in too deep, a basket case.
Shamefully hording this self-hatred,
her mind and heart have been replaced.

There’s only this vacant space, no tone,
an emptiness evoking a fading echo.
Grasping this fixation with all might,
like any addict, she can’t seem to let go.

Appetites perform disappearing acts,
skipping town without a trace or fragment.
With no subsistence in her belly, she’s
bulimic by default, vomiting gastric acid.

Roaming the streets searching for
evident answers; she in a haze, a trance.
I often wonder who she was in the past,
before she acquired this poisonous romance.

Shunned and not deemed as normal,
everyone passes her with no emotion.
With no love or protection she’s disowned,
suffering the withdrawals and hasty moments.

Instability chauffeurs her through life.
speeding and swerving with no license.
Driving in circles and losing direction,
she also lost herself in this crisis.

Maybe she belongs in the Land of the Lost

  • Ms. Tioko

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://rebloggy.com/post/art-trippy-beautiful-dope-cocaine-drugs-weed-smoke-lsd-drug-acid-space-galaxy-tr/89068116618

Absent-Mind

Absent-Mind

Adverse consciousness weighing opposite a feather
Expressing my life through sealed unread letters

An intellect so impractical its borderline genius
Yet pessimists claim it’s quick to make them squeamish

My live confessional, I would often chat with the mirror
With a drink in both hands, if only things appeared clearer

Hallucinations has me out of my mind and in too deep
Nothing makes sense anymore like my cerebrum’s offbeat

Wrestling with daydreams, nowadays I rarely get sleep
Pushing against balance like I’m tripping over both feet

Rebellion wars, a fight to death if they played fair with reason
Stolen thoughts and moral sense, oh to get away with treason

What to do when you’re alone in this jungle of oblivion
I’m as low as I’ve ever been, the farthest from meridian

With my discolored morale and blurred line vision
I’m again drowning in this sea of demoted intuition

– Ms. Tioko

Distorted Contentment

Concerned
with my saneness,
how am I content
in this place?

The smell of boredom
and misfortune
meets me at the door.

Resembling faces greet me
with two-sided posture.

A sense of reunion
and comfort
in addition to
slight disappointment,
I’ve gained closure.

Back in this place
separated from trouble,
how did I get here?

Have I returned with
an instinct of approval?

Have I learned nothing,
inhabited to these walls
as a mounted painting?

I’m content in this place.

I’m home…

  • Ms. Tioko
    Inmate #090023042
    Franklin County

PHOTO CREDIT:
http://theunboundedspirit.com/the-darkness-of-loneliness/